The average funeral in the US costs between 7,000 and 10,000 dollars. That is insane! You most likely never threw that expensive of a party just for yourself when you were alive. Plus, it’s not even a good party, the music is lame, everyone is sad, nobody is grinding. You don’t even get to be there! Why make your family pay all that money for a party you won’t even know about? The best option is to not make your family pay anything. Just have them throw your body in the woods for the wolves or donate it to science.
However, if your family insists on throwing a funeral for you and they really don’t care about spending the money at least have some fun with it. You don’t want them to be sad, do you? Put some things in your legal will to make it fun for everyone that goes to your funeral. Get creative with it. Here are some examples:
Funeral Option 1: Have a normal open-casket funeral like any other in a church with a priest and organ music. Rig up some springs (this may take some engineering) to have yourself pop up to the sitting position halfway through and scare the shit out of everyone by making them think you are coming back from the dead. Your family may need guests to sign forms saying they aren’t responsible for any heart attacks in response so they don’t get any lawsuits filed against them. Bonus: If you know someone who is really good at ventriloquism you can hire some zombie actors and have your body do the thriller dance.
Funeral Option 2: Just position your body in the front of the church wearing some sunglasses and greeting the guests. Have your hand pointing to everyone who walks in. Put a cigar in your mouth and a glass of whiskey in your hand to let everyone know that you liked to party in life and not to be too sad at your funeral.
Funeral Option 3: Put your body in the middle of an arena or pit, preferably an outdoor gladiator-style coliseum and rent some ferocious animals like a lion, tiger, grizzly bear, and a wolf. Make sure the animals are hungry and put your body in the middle of the pit. After they make a trip to the open bar, have your loved ones place bets on which animal is going to eat your body first. Who can be sad when they can watch a battle between the planets top predators and potentially win some money?
These are all excellent suggestions but really it is up to you. Be as creative as you can because this country has a real problem of boring, sad funerals. Let’s liven things up a little bit.