It’s 2017, and people blog about EVERYTHING. Never before in human history has there been a platform like the internet for the garbage dump of senseless opinions that humans spew. We are easily the most annoying generation of humans ever. EVEN CAVEMEN WERE BETTER. Cavemen had a finite amount of rocks. They only drew about important things, like chasing wooly mammoths and fearing the sun god. But could you IMAGINE if we had to hear them bitch about their inability to start a fire for thousands of years, or their bison fur only coming in the larges. I sure as hell don’t want to learn about that at the American Museum of Natural History. That’s why I think we need to pace ourselves before we become the laughing stock of our species. Here are some blogs I think we can do away with.
WHAT ARE WE DOING! Why are we wasting our time on this shit species? They don’t even have their own material. They just repeat whatever we say 2 seconds later. They are the Dane Cook of living things.
LADIES. STOP IT. No one has the “baton twirling leotard with no sleeves and no halter tops” that you’re looking for (That was an actual sentence I copied and pasted from Dancemom.com). And stop living vicariously through your child. You are the mother version of LaVar Ball.
Okay Okay. Steven Seagal may have made a good action movie once before. But doesn’t it get old? How many movie posters of him holding a gun does Steven Seagal have to make before we stop buying his movies? I would also argue that Steven Seagal with a goatee makes his movies unbearable. It looks like he’s wearing a pile of spiders around his mouth. Disband this blog now.
Donald Trump’s Twitter Account
Donnie. Please take it down a notch. You’re the president, and I want you to say things on Twitter. I just don’t wanna hear about the ratings of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Apprentice. Tweets about Healthcare = Good. Tweets about reality TV = Bad. Plz, clean it up.
These are just some of the improvements to make our generation exponentially better. If this was a competition, we’d be in last place right now. We have no world wars to fight, no economic depressions to triumphantly climb out of, no hippie movements. All we really do is blog, so lets at least make them good.